Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
