she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
