me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
