I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
