walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
