i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize