How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
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And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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