The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
did i just pee glitter
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