I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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