I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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