U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
