im drinking this country out of the recession.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
