he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
