She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
