and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
