I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
