apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
