good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
