In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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