He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
