he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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