guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
