How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
