You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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