Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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