I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
