I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i drank out of a bidet.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
