why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
