I've blown a few things in my day
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
