are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
