i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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