So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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