Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
