I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
