It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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