And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
