Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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