dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
