I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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