thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
