ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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