since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize