genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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