im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
