if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
