He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
