fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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