Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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