We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
