I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize