We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
