I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
