I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
