someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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