A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
