just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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