Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
