I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
