he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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