I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
