I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
