I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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