we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
