mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
