I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
