none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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