grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
