after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
