you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize