yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
