If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
