i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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