we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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