This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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