swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
