i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
