It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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