i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
