3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
