thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
