your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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