Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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