I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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