i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
