oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Randomize
