I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
3pm strippers are depressing
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
