Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
did i walk over a car last night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
