I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
