I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
