Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
