I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
