So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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